wonk wonk

tonight, on my way home from work i saw a purse laying in the middle of michigan avenue. i quickly ran into the street, put my arm out to stop a fat woman driving a mini van and picked up the purse and the wallet that had fallen out of it. it rain, rain, rained all day long today so the purse was not only run over and squished but it was soaking wet.



i brought the purse back to my apartment and began to go through it. a lipstick, or maybe two, had burst inside so everything was covered in pinkish red and smelled like a fancy mom. it was an ugly small purse with a lot of shit in it. (wallet, check book, cell phone, mystery envelope, car keys to a bmw, broken lipstick, and more) the wallet was PACKED with so many cards, credit cards, business cards, membership cards, 'if your child goes missing fill out one of these' cards, you name it. it was one of those purses that belongs to a rich woman who could buy a lot of cool things, but since she has bad taste, she has shitty things.

i found the drivers license, it was a woman, Lisa O'Connor from michigan with the same birthday as my dad! i called 411 and got some number for her name but when i called it just rang and rang with no voicemail. i decided to go through the purse more to see if i could find anything that might help me find the owner. i stumbled upon an envelope, an envelope with over $350 in cash inside of it... what a moral dilemma! 'i want that so bad' i thought to myself. there is a pair of boots i've been eyeing that cost $275, just the right amount.

i called a few friends to ask what to do and got mixed opinions. then i knew what i had to do, i had to call my mom who, of course, told me i had to return the purse with everything in it. as i was talking to her i found a business card that belonged to the woman so i called her office and left a message there. at this point i hadn't really decided whether i was going to give her all the money back, some of it back, or keep it and mail the rest anonymsly. i know taking the money would have been wrong, but those boots are hot.

so anyway, a few hours later she called me and asked if she could come to my apt to pick up her purse. she came with her husband, they looked wealthy. once she had gone through the purse and seen that i had not taken anything she thanked me sincerely and handed me $20. at first i did not accept, but she insisted, so i took it. for a little bit i thought it was wrong of me to take the $20, maybe i should have been noble all the way through the whole situation, but i've decided taking it was just fine. i'll buy myself something pretty with it.